iserenademefan:

Don’t Imagine Aaron Minyard

• Don’t imagine two year old Aaron Minyard putting himself to bed because Mommy is busy doing shots to reruns on television.
• Don’t imagine Aaron at three, being left alone because Tilda didn’t have time to find a babysitter and went so work anyway.
• Don’t imagine Aaron trying to climb the shelves in the pantry to get something to eat.
• Don’t imagine him falling, spilling stale Cheerios across the floor, and not telling Tilda his wrist hurts because he’s afraid he will get in trouble.
• Don’t imagine Tilda having to take Aaron with her on a vacation with her new boyfriend because the sitter wouldn’t watch him until she got paid.
• Don’t imagine that boyfriend being annoyed that Aaron dares to exist, to intrude.
• Don’t imagine them putting Aaron in the bathroom of a crappy hotel so they can have sex.
• Don’t imagine Aaron covering his ears because they don’t try to be quiet, tryin to fight back tears because it’s scary and the tile is cold.
• Don’t imagine Tilda yelling at Aaron because he messed everything up. Again.
• Don’t imagine that string of boyfriends teasing ten-year-old Aaron, making inappropriate and cruel jokes while Tilda laughs like it’s funny.
• “How’s he going to get pussy if he can’t even reach the top shelf?”
• He’s ten. He only partly understands the meaning, but he’s somehow ashamed anyway.
• Don’t imagine twelve-year-old Aaron coming on vacation again with Tilda when she doesn’t want him there.
• Getting called “Andrew” for the first time by a cop he doesn’t know.
• Don’t imagine the stinging slaps for “talking to that man” and getting him involved in their business.
• Don’t imagine the first time Tilda beats Aaron until he’s begging— until his face bruises and blackens. Not the first time he’s been hit, but the first he can’t get up in the morning because of it.
• Don’t imagine hearing that phone call, with his own mother confirming his worst fears; that he was unwanted. That she wished she hadn’t kept either of them if Andrew was going to be punishment for it now.
• Don’t imagine that Aaron’s only memories of touch are pinches, scratches and blows.
• Don’t imagine Aaron meeting his brother for the first time and being embarrassed by the dark bruises covering his skin like paint.
• Don’t imagine Aaron wanting so badly to be loved that he’s willing to open his home to a complete stranger who hardly looks at him.
• Don’t imagine him being promised to be protected, for the first time.
• Don’t imagine the next day, when Tilda beats him bloody anyway.
• Don’t imagine him trying to hide that disappointment, that bitterness.
• Don’t imagine the Aaron being called out of study hall by Andrew’s name.
• Don’t imagine the way the news rings in his ears— dead. Dead. Gone forever.
• Don’t imagine Aaron knowing it was Andrew.
• Don’t imagine Aaron fearing what will happen next, all alone in the world save for a brother who he hardly knows— who killed his mom.
• Don’t imagine feeling conflicted— being ashamed of the relief he feels walking into the house without Tilda there to throw things if he messes up.
• Don’t imagine Aaron choking back tears because he is so hurt and confused and scared.
• Don’t imagine that Aaron is only sixteen and everything familiar is gone.
• Don’t imagine Aaron Minyard if you’re not going to see these things too.