Honestly how are the ace/aro communities even doing any harm to the LGBT+ community?? People keep saying that they’re “taking LGBT resources” but like… people aren’t gonna use same-sex/gender resources if they don’t apply to them?? Like what even counts as a resource anyway?? All we’re doing is showing up at pride events and making blog posts?? The only argument as to why we shouldn’t be included is because we’re not oppressed enough….? We don’t want your resources or whatever we just want to be accepted as part of the community
Just to add to that, if we were using LGBT+ resources, how would that be a waste?? Like if that’s something we need then the resources would still be going towards helping someone.
If an aro/ace person needs to call a hotline specifically because of their orientation, then that’s not a waste.
If an aro/ace person needs to see a therapist/counselor/supports for LGBT+ people because of their orientation, then that’s not a waste.
If an aro/ace person needs to stay at an LGBT+ shelter because their parents kicked them out, or their spouse/romantic partner/friend/etc tried to used corrective rape to “change” or “fix” them, or are without a place to stay for whatever reason, then that’s NOT a waste.
OK so like by the way guys
In the nonprofit industry, by and large, having MORE clients using the resources you offer is a GOOD thing.
I think this should be signal boosted to the stars actually.
Because in my experience, most people, no matter what the resource is or who it’s for, try to avoid using it and tell themselves it’s not for them.
Like, even something like a queer youth group. Even people who are definitely sure they “count” will so often be like, “I mean, I don’t really need support or anything, that’s really for other kids.”
The main exception is if all your friends already go and it feels like just a normal thing to you.
Nonprofits are usually bending over backwards trying to include anybody who might possibly ever need their resources even the tiniest bit!!!
I know this from both working and volunteering in the nonprofit field for over 15 years btw. Everything from queer youth groups in SF and Hayward to environmental law firms.
(And this is a really dense, high population area with an extremely high cost of living. So there’s no “sure, but in most places there are more people in need.”)
And part of the reason they’ll bend over backwards to include everyone is that they really really really want to help as many people in need as possible, and they don’t want to risk losing anybody who even sort of counts.
But guess what?
A BIG part of the reason is MONNNEEEEEEEEEEYYYYY.
THE MORE PEOPLE THEY SERVE, THE MORE FUNDING THEY GET.
I am gonna repeat that.
BOTH GRANTS AND DONORS GIVE MORE MONEY TO NONPROFITS THAT HELP MORE PEOPLE,
and also,
MANY GRANTS REQUIRE AN ORGANIZATION TO HELP A CERTAIN NUMBER OF PEOPLE EVERY YEAR.
And even in a super queer, super dense area like this, we’re always trying to find more people to help.
If you have a really really specific situation like a homeless shelter, then yeah, ONE of the services they provide (beds) is finite. But even then, they want to help as many other people with clothes, food, support groups, job counselors, or whatever else they have to offer, as possible!
When they have more people they help, they get more funding and visibility, and they can hire more people TO help. It creates jobs and gets them into a positive cycle (the opposite of a vicious cycle) of helping more and more people!
P.S. When a nonprofit like The Trevor Project trains its volunteers to take calls from aces and/or aros… which is the main example I see her thrown around as “they’re stealing our resources!”…
That’s not an example of aces/aros stealing things. They got nothing to do with it. That’s am example of a nonprofit seeing a need and deciding they want to fill it.
It’s incredibly disrespectful to ignore nonprofits’ boundaries and act like they aren’t able to make their own decisions about who to help. It’s disrespectful to everyone involved.
Also will mention, when it comes to LGBT safe spaces, cishet aces/aros aren’t likely go to those spaces for support if they are violently homo/bi/transphobic. And even then, transphobic gay people and (to a muuuuuuch lesser extent) bi/homophobic trans people go to those spaces too.
It’s so two-faced to use possible phobia as an excuse to exclude cishet aces and aros when those scenarios can exist. And if this does happen, just ask the individuals creating the problem to leave!! I’m so tired of this excuse being thrown around when all aces and aros deserve spaces to get away from straight people.
It’s worse because Neil isn’t expecting it. Instead of getting the call up he’s been hoping for – waiting for – he has an almost-apologetic Kevin calling him three days too late, saying you’re young. Next year.
Neil won’t give anyone the satisfaction of asking why, but he desperately wants to. He’s fresh out of the Foxes with a couple of NCAA championship titles under his belt, one of which he captained them to. His signing to the Hawks has him being called a rising star in the game, and they’re already winning. Not to mention that he’s playing better than he ever has.
He’s making all the right moves. It’s just apparently not enough to make Court.
The uncertainty of why and why not is more crushing than anything else, when it’s hard enough being in an unfamiliar city for the first time in years, alone.
And he feels alone. Unsettlingly, unbearably fucking alone.
Well, Neil supposes that’s not strictly true. They’re here because Kevin is in love with Jeremy Knox, whether he wants to admit it or not, for sure, but there are other reasons. For instance, they’re here because the freshmen Foxes can’t handle playing at a college level yet. They’re here because of Neil’s incompetence as a co-captain. They’re here because they didn’t make it to finals. And they’re also here because Andrew allowed it.
this turned into fluff????? mark this down on the calendar, guys, because I never turn angst into fluff at least not like this
Neil isn’t on the court when it happens, so he sees every second. It’s not the first time a team got it in their heads that the way to win the game was to sacrifice a striker in order to take down Andrew. But it’s the first time they’ve decided to sacrifice two strikers and a defensive dealer.
Andrew gets the ball out of the goal and then braces for the impact of the striker. If it had ended there, Andrew would have been fine, brick house that he is. But the other striker, in a blatant foul, rams into Andrew as well, and then the fucking defensive dealer piles on as well. Whistles blow and the buzzer goes off, calling the game to a halt as red cards are thrown and the referees make their way onto the field.
Neil is on his feet and running without remembering to tell his body to move. Wymack and the referees try to stop him, but Neil ducks and shoves past them. The other players are already on their feet, but Andrew is still on his back, racquet laying a foot from his extended hand.
I went majorly overboard on this, but I hope you enjoy!
–
Neil doesn’t care about material possessions. Andrew knows this, knows that Neil would be content to live out of that fucking duffel bag for the rest of his life if Andrew let him. He tries not to let it get to him, he really does, but his mind can’t get over the fact that Neil should be able to own things like a key without looking at it like a dog with their favorite toy.
And if part of the reason it bothers him is that seeing Neil with that goddamn duffel just reminds him of “thank you, you were amazing” and Neil running and himself falling, then that is his business alone.
Once he’s gone pro, Andrew finds that without Neil and the other chosen Foxes to watch, he’s left with two dangerous things: a lot of time on his hands and a disposable income. So Andrew starts small.
A day after the gift is delivered, he gets a call from Neil. “Andrew. Why is there an Audi in the parking lot that I’m being told is mine?”
Andrew’s a little sad they’re not facetiming. He would have liked to watch the way Neil’s face is surely reddening with righteous fury. “I didn’t like the car you picked out,” he answers. “It’s ten miles out from dying anyway.”
“My car was-”
“I swear if you say fine-”
“It ran.”
“Barely.”
The silence on the other end lets Andrew know he’s won and he can imagine the way Neil’s mouth has probably pressed into a thin line.
Finally, Neil answers, “If it makes you feel better, fine. I’ll keep the car. But nothing else.”
Andrew doesn’t make any promises. He just says, “Good. You didn’t really have another choice, since your old car is halfway to the junkyard by now.”
“You asshole-”
He ends the call.
–
Andrew tries to refrain from any more lavish gifts, he really does, but Neil’s clothes still piss him off. He’s on the phone, complaining to Andrew for the fifth year in a row about not wanting to go to the Fall Banquet and what a travesty it is that they’re using his precious court from something that’s not Exy, so andrew interrupts, “Are you wearing the same shirt?”
“Yes?”
“No you’re not. It has holes in it.”
Neil scoffs. “No one is going to be close enough to see if there are holes.”
“I’ll know.”
Neil drops it after that and three days later, there’s a nice black dress shirt laying across Neil’s bed. Neil sends him a picture of him in it and it looks just as good as Andrew knew it would.
Another perk of living alone is no one can see when he makes it his new phone background.
–
They go on like this for a while, Andrew sending little things he thinks won’t piss Neil off too much. They can’t spend Thanksgiving together, with Andrew out of town for a press thing and honestly, they don’t really want to considering the history that day holds. But he can hear the way the end of the semester is slowly tearing Neil down, and he hears the echoes of a similar exhaustion in his own voice. So when Neil softly admits softly, “I miss you,” Andrew knows his next gift.
–
He makes it to Palmetto just before the end of afternoon practice. He can hear Nicky’s voice in his head cooing over how romantic the whole thing is, but he ignores it and grabs his gear out of his trunk.
When he gets to the sidelines, he opens with, “Hey, Coach. Sub me in for one of your goalies.”
Wymack’s eye roll is audible. “You couldn’t do this when you actually played here?”
“Come on, Coach. Think of how boring your life would be if I did what you expected.”
Wymack grumbles something about blood pressure medication, but Andrew is already halfway to the goal. Some of the freshmen start chattering excitedly, which prompts Neil to look up from where he’s talking to Robin by the goal. He freezes in the middle of a word when he sees Andrew and though Andrew’s loathe to admit poetic thoughts, he thinks he could live without the sun if it was replaced with Neil’s smile at that moment. All Andrew says in greeting, though, is, “Ready to get your ego checked, Captain?”
Neil’s face turns fierce and there’s a brightness in his eyes that makes Andrew want to try.
Wymack yells distantly at them to stop gabbing and start playing, so Neil heads to the center of the court, though not without turning to look back to Andrew. Andrew gives them his signatures salute and that’s all he registers until Wymack signals the end of practice.
Neil ignores everyone asking for his thoughts and makes a beeline for Andrew. “You’re here,” he says, a little breathlessly.
“Your teammates are staring.”
“Let them,” Neil says, pressing up close to lift the grate of Andrew’s helmet. “Let me kiss you.”
This time, it’s Andrew’s turn to answer “yes” and pull Neil in by the back of his neck. Their lips meet and he feels right for the first time in months.
Shadow In The Light 