himitsutsubasa:

kingsmanposts:

“can taron egerton stop fangirling over colin firth it’s really not helping”

— NO

It’s stupid. Eggsy thinks. It’s really fucking stupid.

“Are they shagging or not?”

Morgan smirks. “Well…”

“I don’t want to know what your kinky internet friends think. I want facts.”

She rolls her eyes. 

“No.”

Eggsy gestured at the screen. “But it looks like it. Doesn’t it? Taron’s all over Colin like white on rice.”

“Rice comes in other…”

“You know what I mean.” Eggsy waves helplessly at the screen again.

Morgan shrugs. “I think you’re trying to hard.”

“I don’t – what even is that – ship it. I just think they’re shagging. Look! Taron’s practically sitting in Colin’s lap.”

Morgan glances over before returning to her tablet. “You did that to Harry yesterday.”

“That’s different.”

“You were almost giving him a lap dance Eggs. I saw it. Merlin saw it. Tristan – even innocent Tristan – saw it.”

Morgan glares. “Tristan isn’t an innocent. He’s a right dirty bastard and you know it.”

Morgan waves her hand. “Right. I always forget the orgy in the staff room.”

“It’s different.”

She scoffs. “It’s not like you two are actually sleeping together.”

“…”

She turns on him, dropping the tablet with a clatter. “You fucking didn’t.”

Eggsy winces as the flood gates open.

Except she’s remarkably quiet about the whole thing.

She claps a hand on his shoulder, almost pushing him out of his chair the bloody strong-woman midget. “Brilliant job, Eggs. Top rate piece of ass.”

He shoots her a withering look.

“What? He is a total DILF.”